Whatuppppp

Hey there everyone!

Well, I'm getting my last dose of chemo as I write, and I'm wearing my Mariano Rivera shirt just for a little extra luck that he's knocking out all the bad guys! And, just so you know, when I'm visualizing him striking them out, they're not actually your typical baseball players at the bat; I've taken to picturing the gross little creatures from the Gremlins....they seem just nasty and disgusting enough to take on the role of leukemic cells, don't you agree? Kinda makes me want to watch the movie---I haven't seen it in forever!

I've had lots of wonderful visitors, and I just want to thank everyone for coming here to hang out with me! I know the hospital is not anyone's idea of a fun place to spend an hour/afternoon/evening (although, remember, there are hula hoops here and Katrina and Marc loaned me their Wii!!), but you all come and it makes things so much more pleasant for me.

I'm making myself just concentrate on each day as it comes, because when I think about the transplant or the greater social isolation that awaits me (to prevent infections), I get really scared and sad. The whole not having children part is on the sidelines now because I realize I need to focus all my being on getting well and beating this again. But to be honest, even WHEN I beat it again, I know I'll worry about it coming back a third time and then what options will I have? I don't think about that all the time, but it would probably be weird if the thought didn't cross my mind. I just thought....3 1/2 years---I'm in the clear!! I can't seem to get that thought out of my head, but don't worry---I will get beyond it!

I've done ten laps so far today. I think I wrote before that I'm supposed to do 20 to make a mile, although Dr. Spira said today to shoot for 30! No problem...I'm up for the challenge! It will be my modified Team in Training workout.

My friend, Rachel, and I watched part of "No Reservations" last night and let me just tell you how hungry we were! We were practically salivating for some superdelicious spaghetti and bread (and why not throw in some wine there too?!!). One of the things (the many things) I'll miss during all this crap is going out to dinner. I love to go out and eat, and with my blood counts, will not be allowed, so I'll enjoy some takeout (I tell everyone that since I have cancer, I'm allowed to order them to bring me WHATEVER I need!!) :).

I had a visit from Astro today, one of the pet therapy dogs who was here the first time I was diagnosed. I think he would have laid on my bed all afternoon if his owner, Roy, hadn't made him get down. Would have been fine by me!!! I also met two beautiful black labs yesterday, Casey and Ed, who walked with me as I did some of my laps.

I'm very impressed with all my friends' hula hooping skills, although I didn't realize that in some it generates a real sense of fear, I suppose from elementary school days when other children can be bullies if you just don't get it on the first try! No judging in Room 477--just good old-fashioned fun! Although unfortunately I will no longer be able to partake because Dr. Spira said I might get dizzy or lose my footing from the different meds, and if I fell, then we'd have a real mess! Geez...I can just totally picture myself doing that too!! He said it's the first time he has ever had to order a patient not to hula hoop. Pretty funny. :) BUT I can do Wii (the less strenuous ones) so that's good!

I just called the nurse's station 'cause my lunch isn't here yet, and I saw the guy out in the hall with the trays when I was doing my laps...I rushed back (yah, I must be desperate...I RUSHED back for my hospital lunch!), and there was no tray! I gave them about 15-20 minutes before I figured I just better call and make sure they didn't forget me!!!!!!

I'll try to get some more pictures posted up when someone can do that for me....no offense, Mom and Dad, but it might be too difficult to explain! :) hahahahaha So when Katie, Ronnie or Laura get the chance, we'll put some up! I have a good one of Astro today and some nice ones of Lori and I enjoying a "spa evening". :) She brought in some cucumber eye soothers, we put on Enya, turned off the lights and basked in the glow of my cool electric fish tank. I'm sure if the nurses walked in, they would have been like "Um, should we leave you two alone?!" hahahaha By the way, the dietary department just called and for some reason they didn't have a tray for me! Good thing I didn't wait any longer, huh?!!! So I ordered mac and cheese (mmmm), mashed potatoes (I know, lotsa carbs, but I know those are two things that I typically like, and what the heck?! I have cancer...I can eat however many carbs I want! I also threw in some chocolate pudding and hot tea. I know you're all jealous. Stop in sometime and I'll share with you!!

Back to the pictures though, I also have some good ones of hula hooping (not me, but friends), and Tim, don't worry----I'll allow you as much time as you need to get back into hula hooping mode--Lori told me you couldn't leave the room without perfecting it, and it sounds like a good night's entertainment for me!!

I love having my ipod on shuffle, but I have to be really careful because it will go from country to rock to Spanish to Mitch Hedberg or Dave Chappelle, and I think all the people at the hospital who think I'm so sweet would be either 1)really shocked and/or 2)totally offended! Good thing the radio Ronnie brought comes with a remote so I can monitor it easily!!

Everyone loves my room--Laura took it upon herself to be the designated coordinator, and with her efforts and everyone's contribitions, it's the talk of the floor! Many nurses have stopped in to see it, and the dietician suggested yesterday that Laura make business cards and get hired out to pass cheer on to some other patients! It really is beautiful in here and it makes me smile all the time. Like I said, when I focus on the day to day, everything seems ok because I'm enjoying the company of family and friends, I'm able to stay in contact via internet/phone, I feel pretty good, and I'm receiving exceptional medical care. I know the sad and scared feelings will constantly filter through, and they need to at times, but overall I'm feeling good. I still reaaaallly miss Jameson and Guinness (and even Bella although I doubt she feels the same way about me!---she's our cat who came as a stray about 6 1/2 years ago, and she lets us pet her now, but she has no desire to come inside or cuddle). My sister-in-law Kathy, found a wonderful dog-walker who just started yesterday, so that makes me feel a lot better, but I just wish I could explain to Jamie and Guinny exactly what's going on and why I left again...they're my little babies!

I ran into several patients in the hallway while doing my laps this AM (well, not technically...I didn't take them out with my pole buddy or anything...I just saw lots of them). One lady seemed really nice--her name was Sophia so hopefully I'll see her out and about again! It's hard to see the sick children...the other end of my floor is pediatric oncology. I mean, I don't want to see anyone sick, but to see a child struggling down the halls is heartbreaking. I just keep reminding myself that they are probably much more resilient than myself and I smile when I pass (although I have a mask on so I'm not sure that does much good hahahaha) and say hi.

My cough has been a lot better which is wonnnnderful!!! I had a couple times when I couldn't catch my breath and tears were coming out of my eyes, and nothing seemed to help except for Coke. If you don't know me that well, you don't know that Coke (kind of like Windex in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding") is a cure-all for me: upset tummy?
have a coke! A little too much wine? drink a coke! Crappy stuff in your throat? treat it with a coke! Really, if you haven't tried it, give it a go!! I only drink the real stuff though---nothing else compares. :)

Well, I guess this has been quite long enough. Thanks again to everyone for calls/e-mails/well wishes....I'm slowly getting back to everyone, and I appreciate all of your thoughts and love. You're helping me though this...well, basically, you're carrying me through this! Without my incredible network, I would be totally and completely lost. I feel so lucky to have you, and I know most people would not use the term "luck" when speaking about leukemia at all! Thank you. Love ya!