Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day, Dad and to all those fathers out there!! I hope you had a nice one. It looked like a pretty day here in VA.
All is well here in the hospital. I had lots of wonderful visitors again today, enjoyed some homemade soup for lunch and a spectacular steak for dinner...I felt almost normal with all that delicious food.
The day didn't start out especially well...I just felt blah and kind of sad, and while eating my oatmeal, I decided to switch my sound machine to the ocean (I always sleep with it on "rain")...well, before I knew it, I was crying and wishing I were sitting beside the ocean, far from the hospital and any talk of transplants, chemo, radiation, white and red blood cell counts, well, you get the idea. Then I started thinking "When will I see the ocean again? Will I ever see it again?" I honestly don't think of the second question often, but as probably anyone in my situation would, I do think about death sometimes and, let's face it, it's inevitable at some point! :) Seriously though, it is not anything I dwell on, but I am keenly aware of the risks of low counts and infection and of course, cancer in general. I think my worries were heightened this morning because yesterday when my nurse changed the dressing for my catheter, it was red and a little swollen, and it's been a little sore. With a neutrophil count of 0, infection is a very serious and possible problem. I told my doctor I was worried this morning, so he put me on Vancomycin, a strong iv antibiotic. A catheter/iv specialist will change my dressing tomorrow, so I feel like I've gotten that worry under control now. But I think that's why I was just especially sensitive this morning. I also had a little bit of bone pain in my sternum and lower back in the early AM so I tossed and turned for a bit. It's a side effect of the growth factor shot they give me to boost my cells...by the way, Neupogen stings a lot more than Leukine, the shots I would get in '05...it's not awful, but it's definitely a little annoying! And because my platelets are so low, I have some really pretty little bruises on my arms now.
Sooooo anyway, not the best beginning to the day, but the rest of the day went well. My mom arrived shortly after the crying-over-the-ocean episode, and she had me laughing soon. We were also cracking up when my dad said not to worry, that I'd see the ocean in either Boston or Seattle....although he meant it to be nice, we joked with him, saying "Yah, Dad...that'll be great...I can just take binoculars to look at the ocean from my room while going through the transplant procedure." It's nice to have family and friends who can make inappropriate jokes and laugh during such a serious illness. :) It really makes all the difference!!
Oh, I also had crazy nightmares last night...strangely enough, there was lots of water involved. Huge waves were threatening buildings, but I still woke up missing the ocean. I interpret the dreams as meaning I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything, and I feel like I don't have control....either that, or it could have been the surfing competition I saw while flipping through channels last night and the rain I listen to when I sleep. :)
But to get back to the rest of my day, it was great! I did my 20 modified laps, relaxed while Kathy did my hair, visited with friends and the fam, ate scrumptious food, and laughed a lot. Now I'm going to see if there's anything good on tv.
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and a great Father's Day!!!