Hello from the land of foam toothbrushes

You're probably wondering about the title for this entry. Because my platelets are low, I have to use disposable foam toothbrushes to brush my teeth...well, to get technical, I use a soft regular toothbrush on my teeth and a foam toothbrush on my gums. Anyone who knows my obsession with those stimudent picks, floss and electric toothbrushes (I'm very proud of my dental hygiene :) ) knows how this new routine drives me crazy!! I know cavities should be the least of my worries, but I had braces from 5th grade until 10th grade, and I don't want my teeth to turn ugly! I know, I know, I should be supergrateful that I don't have mouth sores from the chemo, but still. :)
I have lots to say today (lucky you!) hahahahaha)....hmmmm...where to start?!! I was very touched to discover that the coach of my Team in Training (TNT) walk team brought hula hoops to training on Saturday in my honor, and apparently everyone had a good time...as I've said before, it is impossible to hula hoop and not smile! Try it at home, and if you find you're not laughing, let me know because you must be doing something wrong! :) My walk coach from last year asked me to be her personal honored teammate for the TNT Nation's Triathlon in September. I felt so honored (you'd think I could come up with a better adjective, but hey!--that's what it's called..."honored" teammate, and that's how I feel!) So I'm rooting for her as she continues her training--I can't imagine doing a tri, but maybe someday when this crap is through....although she did e-mail me about a group of people who hula-hooped, that's right HULA-HOOPED their way through the Nashville half marathon this spring!!!! Think I should train for that next? hahahaha THAT sounds pretty difficult, but I would love to watch someone else do it!!!! Geez...can you imagine....I think it'd take me 8 hours to finish a half marathon if I were hula-hooping. Check out the group's website: http://www.hooprama.com/hoopingforhope (sorry I can't put the link in directly...if you want to see it, you'll have to go through the extra effort of copying and pasting....I know, it's hardly worth all that work! :) )
Let's see...what else...here's a random thought for you. Sometimes I think about my situation and I actually feel lucky to be in the hospital for a month....ok, maybe not exactly...let me rephrase that. Acute leukemia requires immediate hospitalization for an extended period of time, and you have to spend your time concentrating on getting well. The bone marrow transplant process is a lengthy and difficult process, but again, I feel like I am forced to take the time to get well. I guess I'm only speaking from my experience, because maybe other people work from the hospital or have other responsibilities, so maybe I'm lucky in that way...I'm not married, I don't have children (except for my pups!:) ), I don't have a job, I don't have many payments (although I do have to remember to contact my student loan people and tell them I'll be asking for forbearance AGAIN!!---and they better give it to me!!) Anyway, I guess I just think that sometimes it's easier to have to be in the hospital and to relinquish any of my responsibilities. I know it sounds really weird, but I watch other cancer patients have to do treatment and then head to work, and then home to care for their families, and I just think "How can you do that?!" I know each cancer is different though. Sometimes I feel jealous for the freedom of other cancer patients because they are allowed to go out and do things. I'll be relatively isolated for the next several months, and it makes me sad to think I won't be going to dinner, the movies, shopping, or even the grocery store for a long time. I guess there's no way to compare different cancers--no one is "better" than the other, but I just find myself thinking about these things sometimes...."deep thoughts with Julie". :) Does anything I just wrote even make any sense??!! If it doesn't, I'm just 'gonna go ahead and blame chemo brain.
My parents and I had a wonderful meeting with one of my doctors today. He talked with us for almost two hours, explaining the bone marrow transplant process and answering any questions we had. Although there are many scary parts to what awaits me, I felt comforted when he left. He said "look upon this as an opportunity to cure your disease, but it is a lifelong job", meaning basically (as I interpreted it) that I will constantly need to monitor my body and how I'm feeling and that I can show effects from graft-versus-host disease (GVH) at any time: days, months or years following the transplant. Possible complications following the transplant could be anything from pneumonia to liver damage. Although a bone marrow transplant is much easier to perform than other transplants (ie they don't have to open me up, and apparently they harvest Laura's cells through a peripheral blood stem cell transplant which is similar to the process you would go through for donating platelets), it is considered just as risky and serious as the transplant of any organ. Before my transplant, I will be given the chemo drug Cytaxin and full body irradiation. I am choosing not to do any research on the possible side effects of these because no matter what, I have to go through with them, and I feel much better going into the process with a clear head. Whatever happens happens and we will deal with it at that time. I fully believe in the power of the mind and attitude when dealing with illness, and overloading myself with scary side effects will be of no use.
One thing I found kind of funny during the conversation was when my doctor commented on how the hospital he worked in (and the living facilities for patients when they were released from the hospital) when he first worked with bone marrow patients was in a tough part of the city, and how he always thought that was strange....that got me to thinking (of course, since I have a sick sense of humor): how much would it suck if you went through everything for a bone marrow transplant and then you got mugged on the way to a check-up? I know, I know, I'm really sick, but I can't help it.
One thing he did say that made me sad was that I can't hold babies for a while, so I'll miss my little goddaughter, Addison, my buddies Jack and Connor and the babies yet to come (two of my friends are pregnant). I don't know how long it will be, but I look forward to seeing all of them and giving lots of hugs sometime in the fall/winter.
Today was a good day...I got in 25 laps, had my dressing changed (it's looking good!), enjoyed some deeeeeeeelicious rhubarb pie (thanks, Norma! :) ), my favorite dessert of all time, chatted with friends and family and watched "My Boys" (an awesome show on TBS Thursdays at 9:30...you should check it out!). I accidentally petechiaed (I totally made up that verb...."petechiae" are little red/purple dots from broken capillary blood vessels---in my case the result of low platelets) myself this afternoon when I went a little crazy with the tape to cover up my dressing (you're not supposed to get it wet) when I took a shower. So now I have some beautiful red dots right around my clavicle...I'll be a little more careful with the tape tomorrow. :)

One last thing: I owe so many people special thank you's for your support, but I think there's one special one I need to mention tonight.
Laura, thank you for everything you have done for me. It's hard for me to tell you in person how much all these beautiful decorations in my room mean to me, and I feel like I can't find the right written words either. Everywhere I look, there is color, a flower or heart you slaved hard to cut out :), a photograph to remind me of a special time, a kind message. Everyone comments on my pole buddy when I walk through the halls--even if they think the orange is for Halloween. :) You visit every day, you slept in that uncomfy-looking chair (although to be honest, you had no problems falling asleep! :) hahaha)...and I'm not writing all this just cause, as you put it, "you're giving me the gift of life". :) I watch you and I know you must be exhausted from driving, working, worrying, but you never get angry or frustrated, and somehow you always make me laugh. You are very strong, and I'm glad I'm gettin' me some of that bone marrow! :) The quote you found for my wall is perfect: "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" (Eleanor "Ellie" (as you call her) Roosevelt). Thanks for helping to pick me up. I love you!