Hey there!

You miss me? :) I'm doing OK...have had some pretty minor stomach issues due to the chemo, but other than that, I'm doing well physically. My counts are starting to go down, and I'm getting platelets on Friday morning. I've gone to the doctor every day since last Wednesday....Wed - Sun I got chemo and hydration, and Monday I started receiving my growth factor (Neupogen) shot to stimulate the white blood cells.
I haven't been too isolated yet, so I've been able to spend time with family and friends, but I am only now truly realizing what an emotional toll this experience is having on me. I find that I'm quite distracted and unfocused, overwhelmed, sad, pissed off and irritable....just makes you want to come and visit me, huh?! hahahaha I spoke with a counselor today whom I've met before, and it's helpful to get feelings out that I might not have otherwise noted. I think I'm going to ask my doctor about a low-level anti-depressant tomorrow...it's not that I can't get out of bed and do what I need to do, but I think it might help me better deal with everything: how to prepare for Seattle, how to handle leaving here, how to be more patient with my family, how to manage the anxiety of waiting and wondering, how to face my fear of the dangers in bone marrow transplantation, worrying about how my friends and family are doing, how to finance and arrange housing and travel....geez, the list just goes on and on!!!!
I'm just trying to hold on to anything that feels normal right now...watching a little tv, reading before bed, laughing with friends and family, playing with my pups. It's not everything I would like to be doing right now at age 30, and I'm so frustrated by that, but I know all I can do is just take each day as what it is, another day. I've circled a couple things in my Ireland guidebook to help me when I'm feeling really down, places I want to visit, adventures I'd like to try.
I also got some firm dates today for the transplant/chemo/i 131....so here goes...8/26, I go in with Laura for our physical work-ups; 9/16, I get my test dose of the isotope; 9/25, I go to the hospital for my full dose of the isotope...during this time, I will not be able to have contact with anyone for about a week which will suck!; October 3rd, 4th and 5th, I will get chemo (Fludarabine), and on the 7th I will have my transplant. I should be home mid-January...MID-JANUARY!!--and that's assuming everything goes well. I feel like just by writing that, I jinx myself, but I'm just being honest...if there is any complication, I obviously have to stay out there longer.
I'm trying so hard not to focus on the date and the amount of time I will be gone, but it's pretty darn hard not to.
I know this is a tough entry to read, but if it makes you feel any better, it helps me to get it out! :) Though it may not sound like it, I'm still hopeful and I'm still working hard to get healthy for good. Now I think I might go and look for a relaxation CD on-line----great idea, Lori!! Any recommendations, anyone? You know, where they have relaxing music and the people's voices put you to sleep? Nothing creepy, just something to help me relax.
I hope everyone is doing well...I'll make it a point to make the next entry more upbeat!! :)