Great News!!

I found out this morning that I am officially in remission! Woohoo!! I finally saw my main oncologist today (just to recap, he had surgery the day after I found out I relapsed, so I haven't seen him since he did the bone marrow biopsy). He was so happy to share the great news with me, and I was so relieved to see him! I really like the other doctors in the practice, but as I wrote before, there is something so comforting about a familiar face. He said he was "pleasantly surprised" to see how much hair I had, and he was also very happy with my blood numbers. Aunt Bitsy and Mom were there with me, and we went out to lunch afterwards to celebrate. My doc also told me I could have some alcohol, so I had a glass of wine tonight with my parents, Aunt Bitsy and my friend Gobind to continue the celebration.
So this is the first step in the transplant process, and I'm glad to have it done with, but I'm stressed about arranging all the appointments, picking a location, moving there, my pups. Also, they told me I might need to have an additional chemo if I'm not able to get my transplant soon; this is to ensure that I stay in remission. I understand this, and I'm comfortable with it, but it stresses me out because I know that more chemo means no neutrophils and very low counts, and you never know exactly how long it will take for them to recover, so how will I know when to arrange for the bone marrow transplant?
We have an appointment to meet with the doctor in Boston a week from today, and we have an appointment in Seattle (unfortunately, we can't just speak with them over the phone--I have to make the trip out there to meet them) the following week. I'm not really sure how this will work because my doc has tentatively scheduled chemo for that week if I can't get my transplant in less than a month. I guess we'll talk to him about it, and maybe we can delay the chemo a couple days. In any case, I'll keep you posted as I find out what's going to happen.
It's strange because I know being in remission is a good thing, a GREAT thing, but part of me has a hard time fully enjoying the celebration because of everything yet to come. I know, take it one day at a time, but it's very easy to get sidetracked by all the plans that need to be made, and to know that soon I will be isolated again, and I may not feel well. There's not much to do though except keep waking up, eating breakfast, taking a shower, flushing my Hickman catheter, and starting my day. I am, after all, enjoying my days for the most part! I'm enjoying visitors, playing with my pups, getting out for walks/lunch, etc, but the fear is still there in the background. Sometimes I forget about it, and I feel almost normal, especially now that my ear feels so much better (woohoooooo!! :) ). I was telling Gobind tonight about how it's kind of strange to be out running errands, because I feel like I want people to know that I'm more fragile right now than the average person. No one can tell I'm sick by looking at me, and I kind of feel like posting a sign that says "Please drive more safely...I have a Hickman catheter, my platelets aren't good (although that would be a lie right now because they're great!!), and I really don't want to screw up any chances for a cure by getting in a car accident!".
OK, I'm getting one more worry off my chest, and then I'm done for the night. :) You're probably sick of hearing it, but it's about my dogs. Maybe I'm flattering myself too much, but I get the sense that they're worried, and that they may be a little depressed right now. NO, I'm not a crazy person, just hear me out. Jameson follows me everywhere, which isn't that unusual, but I feel like he's more attentive than ever. Sometimes I see him sitting there watching me, and who knows what he's thinking...probably, "When will she take me out to play frisbee again?!!" or "I wonder if she'll give me that yummy flavored dog biscuit if I keep looking at her?"...but of course, I'm thinking that he's worried about me, and wondering if I will disappear again.
Guinness is also more attentive...he comes over to lie on the floor next to the couch more, he rests his head on my foot when I type on the computer, even he seems to follow me more from room to room...as I wrote, I could be humanizing their feelings, but I really wonder if they are worried about me leaving again. I know many people say dogs don't have a sense of time or much emotion for that matter, but you probably wouldn't agree with that if you saw how they greeted me when I got home Sunday. I wonder if I've done them more harm than good by spending so much time with them the past 3 1/2 years because they are so attached to me now. I know that's a silly thing to wonder, but I'm just being honest about how I feel when I think about leaving them for four months. I know in my heart that they will be fine, and they will be well cared for, but it still upsets me.
Phew! It feels good to get all that out!!! Let's end on a more positive note. I bought some new running shoes today. I needed them pretty badly because my other ones were just a tad beaten up from last year's Team in Training. :) I look at that purchase as an investment in my health and as a reminder to myself that I will stay strong and I will feel normal again someday. I'm looking forward to my next TNT event, whenever it may be.
Lastly, I want to thank Aunt Bitsy for coming and hanging out with me! Thank you for getting me out and about, for letting me drive :), for walking with me, and for supporting the whole family. Your thoughtfulness and your presence is reassuring and calming to the whole Matthews clan, especially me! Love you lots!

I included some pics from the porch tonight--it was pretty nice out there--a little bit of wind and everything! We saw some deer, but no owls tonight, although we did hear them cackling in the woods! If you haven't seen or heard a bard owl, you should check it out! Hope everyone is doing well!