First and foremost, Happy 34th Anniversary to my padres!!! In their honor, I propose that everyone reading this listen to "Edelweiss", their song. It's a beautiful song, and it actually used to be the ring tone to our house phone--that is, until Ronnie purchased a new phone when I was in the hospital. Our old one died, but despite Ronnie's best intentions, we have many complaints regarding the new phone. My mom is mostly upset that it doesn't have a speakerphone option, and the flash feature is a little slow in switching calls so that you actually end up hanging up on people because you can't hear anything. My main problem is with the ring tone...I miss "Edelweiss", not only because it's a pretty song, but also because the new ring is not really a tone so much as a type of yell or scream...I think Lori described it as a "dying bird". Unfortunately, there is no way to change the ring. On the upside though, the base of the phone plays a sequence of photos that Ronnie put on it which is nice. :) Now I just need to learn how to stop cringing every time the phone rings. Seriously though, thanks for getting one, Ronnie...we really needed it! ;)
All is well here. I just had a nice visit with Lori, and it was great to have everyone home yesterday (we missed ya, Kathy, despite what Laura wrote!). I have a headache that's been a little annoying the past two days, but I'm trying to minimize it with some Tylenol and my Yankees hat. Lots of people know this already, but I'm convinced that my baseball hat helps me when I have a headache...I make sure it fits nice and snug, and somehow it helps ease the aching! I know, I know, you're thinking it's kind of like my crazy thoughts about how Coke cures all, but seriously, it helps me! I told my oncologist this back in '05 when I would get anemia headaches, and he just smiled and said he's glad it helped. I bet they have some real interesting conversations about me: "That Julie girl, she seems nice, but I think she's just a little bit crazy!", "Did you hear what she said about Coke?", "How about her opinion regarding headaches and baseball caps?". hahahaha
I was feeling pretty down earlier today when Laura, Tiso and Katie had to leave. Ronnie was out with my mom and my dad was at work...can you believe they left me all alone? hahaha only kidding...anyway, I guess I was sad they were leaving, and mad that I couldn't. I mean, if I had made plans, I could have, considering my neutrophils are good right now! But I don't have my typical energy, my headache bugs me, and let's just face it: things are not what they should be right now. It's funny how timing works though, because just when I really started feeling sorry for myself, my neighbor brought over some delicious food and we had a nice visit. Thanks, Dr. Sethi! Everything was amazing, and Ronnie even took some home to Kathy. What a nice treat.
The rest of the day, I watched "Jolly July" on Lifetime (they're playing cheesy Christmas movies this weekend, and I love those!), played with the pups a little bit and relaxed.
I know I will have days and moments when I can't escape the sadness and anger that came with the relapse, but as long as I can somehow see past it, I know it'll be OK. When I was flushing my catheter with Heparin, I looked in the mirror and felt like I was looking at an alien---I mean, it's really strange to look at yourself and see a catheter hanging out of your chest. Then I reminded myself that I got through it once and the scar is now healed. This too will heal, and maybe one day I'll forget how to even flush a catheter. OK, probably not, but I feel like I'll be able to look at my catheter scars as a measure of my strength and determination.
So anywayyyy, I was feeling sorry for myself a little bit again, and then my ipod shuffled to a song by Juan Luis Guerra. If you've never listened to him, you need to. Even when he's singing about something sad, the beat makes you feel like dancing, which is exactly what I was doing within a few seconds...dangling catheter and all. :) From one moment to the next, I'm not completely sure how I'll feel physically or emotionally, but at least I always know something will help pick me up: a visit from a friend, a song, a funny memory, my dogs.
Speaking of dogs, I'm not a crazy person who dresses up my dog, but I had to include this photo of Guinness. He has this spot he's been licking and irritating on his leg, and he does not do well with the lampshade head torture thing (does any animal?!). My mom discovered that when we put on a toddler shirt, he pretty much leaves it alone, or at least he can't get to it very easily. He actually loves wearing the shirt, and gets very excited when we put it on. I don't normally put the hood up, but for the purposes of the blog, I had to....by the way, it was the only long-sleeved shirt available at Target, so that's why it has a hood.
The other pic is of me with a special wig Ronnie got me in '05. Whenever I lose my hair, I'll be ready!!!!! hahahaha I'm glad Ronnie was able to find me that wig, because I think the Don King look is really in, and it might be hard to find. :)
OK, I'm 'gonna go rest. I hope everyone had a good weekend!