This Sucks :)

I'm sitting here waiting for the Ativan to kick in, and I'm feeling pretty down. I figured I have to communicate everything I'm feeling to you, not just the positive, upbeat stuff. Although I had a good day...my line was inserted without any hitch, I had wonderful visits with friends and family, I am feeling very frustrated. I'm already sick of untangling my catheters with the power cord on my pole buddy, I'm sick of pushing it all over the halls with me, I'm tired of this really annoying cough. I requested some cough medicine, and the nurse paged the doctor a while ago to see if I was allowed to have any, but she hasn't called back. I'm annoyed that my room is so hot....I'm just frustrated, irritated and pissed off right now. It is setting in that my life now again revolves around the hospital routine. I worry that I won't make it out of the hospital. I'm not saying I don't have a positive attitude anymore, I'm just saying that I'm human and the thought crosses my mind more than it did the first time around, I guess because I know what a horrible, uncomfortable and draining regimen that awaits me. And I'm sad for myself because I'm 30 years old!! I was finally starting to reorganize my life, get a job, maybe try and find a date :) , and leukemia comes knockin' down the door again!!!!! I'm MAD! I'm sad. I'm frustrated. Who knows when I'll go on a date again? How come all my friends are married/engaged/pregnant? I'm not mad at them or bitter, but I feel incredibly sad for myself. Sure, there must be some reason for all of this, but basically it just sucks. The tears are falling pretty hard, but I feel like I'm entitled to a pity party. :) The only thing giving me some comfort right now is "The Dog Whisperer" playing in the background. Cesar Milan is the best!
I guess the ability to find something that makes me even a little bit happy is what helps keep me going. It's so strange that I can feel achingly alone with such a huge, wonderful network of family and friends, one that seems to be growing by the day. I just wish I could press a button that would put me in a daze from now 'til I'm cleared from the bone marrow transplant, so I don't have to suffer everything. The only good that comes out of going through this again is that I'll have an even greater understanding for other cancer patients and their families, but I'm still really pissed. I think it would be weird if I weren't. I hate that this makes me wonder if anything good will ever happen to me. I know we control our happiness and we make do with whatever hand we're dealt, but just for the record, I think I've been dealt one of the complete crappiest hands ever.
Is it weird that dating is one of the things that worries me the most? I know I have my incredible network, but basically the world is divided into couples, something I've become very sensitive to. You always notice the couples when you're the single one, and as anyone knows who's experienced it, it totally and completely sucks. I guess that's the theme of this blog.....stuff sucks. Deep, huh?
But I don't want you to worry....if I didn't write stuff like this, I think you should worry because that would mean I was holding it all in and it would be getting in the way of Mariano's pitching.
Although it still feels surreal, I continue to ponder the idea that I will not give birth to any children. Guess it shouldn't be a worry if I don't even have a date! :) No, it's not the end of the world, but it's a devastating piece of news to add to the news of a cancer relapse. Some people have written about fertilizing eggs, but after speaking to my Dr. and a friend, I was told that the eggs don't store well, and even if I did, there's no time to go through the hormone treatments and everything that's involved to harvest the eggs. We can't wait on the chemo. So one incredibly huge lifelong dream will go unfulfilled because of cancer. And again, I'm not trying to be bitter, but I'm just saying the truth. It's a huge deal. I fully intend on adopting one day, but I know it's not an easy process.
When I think to the coming months, I'm terrified because I know what awaits. I'm sad because I have to do this again. But I know I have to just take it day by day or I'll quickly overwhelm myself.
Do NOT take this blog as evidence of me giving up, but rather as me giving you my raw feelings on a really shi*** circumstance. I'll sleep, and I'll wake up tomorrow, take a shower, put some normal clothes on rather than this totally annoying hospital gown (hope I didn't flash any of you today!), fix my hair (before it starts to fall out!), do my laps and start another day. I will visit with my friends and family and I will smile and laugh. I will be reminded of why I need to keep fighting and I will do just that. I know these sad feelings will return again and again, but it would be really strange if I didn't feel them. It definitely helps to get them all out on the blog. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but know that I am still full of positive energy and hope. I feel like the sadness compliments the hope...I recognize the gravity of the situation, it makes me feel really sad, but I remember what I did last time to survive and I will fight back!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the hula hoop will help too. :)

My New Digs

I'm not going to write too much right now 'cause I'm pretty tired, and I need to go wash my face before they come and give me my chemo and some Adavan...looking forward to the Adavan! :) It looks like my anti-nausea iv has almost emptied out so I'm crossing my fingers that it works just as well as last time!!!!
Some thoughts from my first day/night in the hospital: Well, let's just be truthful....this totally and completely sucks!!!!! I'm really scared because I know the dangers that come along with treatment for leukemia, mainly infections. My last hospital stay I developed a fever of 106.8 (in August of '05 due to an infection in my Hickman catheter), and it terrified me. BUT at the same time, I think the fact that I know what lies ahead is helpful because I truly understand the importance of doing anything and everything to prevent infection, and I know that chemo works! I know, you're thinking..."What the he**?! If the chemo worked the first time, you wouldn't be in there now!". I did great for 3 1/2 years, so that makes me hopeful....we just have to go all the way this time and do the transplant and I'll be rid of this once and for all. Laura keeps reminding me that she is responsible for my life, literally. :)
It's nice to see some nurses I remember from last time, although I would have preferred running into them at the grocery store or something..........
Now it's an hour or so later and my chemo is up and running, my face is all washed :) and I'm waiting for my Adavan (is that how you spell that?). So I forgot how annoying it is to have to be attached to an iv pole. Anyone who knows me well knows I have the smallest bladder in the world (is that tmi? :) hahahaha) so it's a big process every time!---get up, unplug the iv, gather my iv's and the power cord so I don't run them over, and push my little pole buddy through the room into the teeny, tiny bathroom, where, just for a little more tmi, they have to measure my pee...it's all really very fun!! :) I forgot about these little irritating details.

Tomorrow at 8, I will get my Hickman catheter put in so my arms can be free from iv's, and I don't have to be stuck with needles all the time. If I'm not too tired, I'll write more tomorrow.

Mariano Rivera has no idea what an important job he has ahead of him! Many people, including doctors and nurses, recommended utilizing visualization as a handy tool to help rid my body of all the cancer cells, so I chose Mariano Rivera, the beloved closer for the Yankees, to be my guy. I visualize him throwing out leukemia cells to the tune of "Enter Sandman", his entrance song. So I'm signing off for now to take him out of the bullpen and put him to work. Personally, I consider this the most important save of his career. :)

Hey, it's me AGAIN!!
I had a wonderful dinner with Lori and Paulina tonight...we were laughing all evening. It's pretty special to be able to do
that considering the situation! Anyway, one of the things we were joking about was asking for visits from the Yankees instead of mere autographs. Lori said we should try to apply to the Make a Wish Foundation, that she would send in a picture of me when I was young so they didn't have any inkling of our little trick. :) Anyway, I told Ronnie about that when we got home and he passed on this video from the Onion to me. If you didn't know already, now you'll know that I truly have a sick sense of humor.
I could not stop laughing. I figure, considering the situation, I'm allowed to laugh! :)
Here's the link:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/child_bankrupts_make_a_wish_0

Postponing the Marathons

Well, let's just get the bad, totally sucky news out of the way. My leukemia is back. We found out yesterday afternoon following a bone marrow I had Monday morning. I will go to Fairfax Hospital tomorrow (I don't know what time yet), and will start induction chemo which will last about a month. Induction is what they call the first chemo for leukemia patients. Once I achieve remission (and I WILL achieve remission!!) and my counts are high enough, we will proceed with the next step which is a bone marrow transplant. Although it's certainly a very difficult decision for me, I think I've been convinced that Seattle's Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center (or Fred Hutch as they call it in the bizz :) ) is the best place to have this done. It was there that they performed the first bone marrow transplant, and they have a huge volume of transplants compared to other hospitals. It's a difficult decision because it will mean me staying there for at least 3 months (3 weeks in the hospital and the rest in patient apartments). As many of you know, patients who have undergone bone marrow transplants are at an extremely high risk for infection, so it's really important to be in a place where the doctors and nurses understand the danger and proceed with patient care accordingly. My main worry is that I will have a difficult time being away from my family and friends (although someone from the family, or perhaps a couple of them) will accompany me.....and don't laugh, but my biggest worry is leaving my dogs. You all know how important they are to me...in fact, Guinness has his head resting on my feet as I write this. :) I can't explain to them why I'll be gone for a while, and I won't be able to enjoy their quiet, soothing company while recovering. I don't want them to think I've deserted them either. Hopefully we'll be able to arrange for visits from them while I'm getting chemo in Fairfax (my sisters talked to the head of pet therapy last time, and they both came to see me. :) )

So this is the very basic info of what is to come the next several months. Part of me just can't believe the leukemia is back, and it feels like an awful dream. I did have an appointment with my doctor today, and she gave me many reasons to feel encouraged: the number of blasts in my marrow is minimal, so we caught it early; the relapse happened 3 1/2 years after my diagnosis which indicates it's moving slowly; and I'm healthy right now, much more so than when I last went in for treatment!! The only part of the appointment that was truly upsetting, well, devastating really, was when she told me that I would have full-body radiation prior to the bone marrow transplant (I didn't know they had to do that), and this would make my ovaries non-functioning, so I'll never have children. I couldn't help but break down when I got that news because I still held on to the dream of starting a family someday. My parents cried too and my doctor got teary, but all I can do is take it as it comes. It is what it is. I've always wanted to adopt a child (in addition to having my own), and I know there are many children out there who need good families, so once I'm back on my feet and over all this crap, I'll look forward to doing just that. But still, it sucks. I could always find a baby momma too! :) hahahaha If you haven't seen that movie, you should...it's hilarious!!!

Let's see...what's some good news from all this sh*@? Well, I did get out of a speeding ticket yesterday! :) I didn't know yet that the leukemia was back for sure, but I knew the doctor was concerned about the bone marrow results. I was on my way to work, going 51 in a 35. The officer was very friendly, and when he came up to me, he asked me why I was speeding and I just broke down, surprising myself. Poor guy, I told him through my tears that "I had a lot on my mind". Then I elaborated and said "I just found out my leukemia might be back" and I sobbed. I kept telling him I was "sorry", and then I told him my sister was an officer...I really just laid it all out there!!!! He obviously felt a little awkward, but he just wrote me a warning ticket and told me he knew I was thinking about a lot, but to be careful so I don't hurt myself or anyone else. I felt bad for making him feel uncomfortable, but I guess cancer's good for some things! :) I'll be pulling that card again whenever I can so I can take advantage of it. :) I told Ronnie that I think a relapse should secure me a visit from one of the Yankees this time instead of just an autograph....I'm thinking Derek Jeter or Mariano Rivera...is that so much to ask?!!!! :)

By the way, I'm going to keep the title of this blog as my "Team in Training Blog"...I consider myself in training, though it may be of a different sort. I'm training for my rematch (as my friend described it) with the leukemia. I intend to take it out once and for all!! And for the "Team" part, well, that would be all of you! In order to kick this in the butt again, I need your support--you are all in it with me. So it's still "Team in Training". We'll just save the marathons for next year or the year after. :)

My mom bought me a bracelet last year that reads "We are the hero of our own story", and I think of that statement often. We each are dealt our own challenges and joys, but it is how we manage them that makes us a hero. I will keep thinking of that, and looking toward the future, one that I firmly believe holds many great moments for me. I saw another cool quote on a greeting card I found when we were on our trip to Seattle this past week: "My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot" (Ashleigh Brilliant). Although at the time, I figured it simply applied to me because I don't know what I want to be when I grow up :) , now it has added meaning because I've been presented with another difficult obstacle, and I don't know what will happen even in the near future. I will take it day by day, and I am going to enjoy the little moments. Sometimes knowing the plot doesn't really matter that much as long as you're enjoying the cast of people you're with. :) Wow, deep, huh? Maybe I should write greeting cards!! hahahahaha

Speaking of my trip to Seattle, we had a wonnnnnnderful time!! I thought I'd share some of the photos with you. It was amazing that we could all sync our schedules, but we did!! We ate wonderful food, walked all over, some of us got to enjoy a Mariners game (and we REALLY enjoyed it because they beat the Red Sox :) ), had a lot of laughs and just explored the city. Plus, my dad had his ceremony for passing his lipidology exam!!! I hope you enjoy the photos.

I'll be writing more later...we found out that the hospital now has wi-fi, so I'll be able to keep up with my blog which will be therapeutic for me and informative for you! :) My final word of wisdom for everyone: Don't be sad for me, just hopeful! And come visit if you want to----I love the company. And mostly, thank you for always being there.

Photos (from the top): the whole fam at the reception after my Dad's lipidology ceremony; the outfit I wore the night of the ceremony was of great amusement to the rest of the family--leggings and a top, something I don't usually wear! :) They all joked and said I was missing the pants part of my outfit and how could I go out in public like that?! :) ; "sisters"; the whole family--Pike Market; Seattle from Kerry Park; the beautiful neighborhood surrounding Kerry Park; Laura and Tiso at my dad's ceremony; pretty produce :) ; taking the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island; doing a little yoga in the Japanese gardens; me as a jellyfish at the Seattle aquarium; Mom and Dad at a Japanese restaurant

Welcome Back! Team in Training 2008

Hey everyone!!!

You know something? I missed writing in my blog the last 9 months, and the fall season for Team in Training is now up and running so I'm back!! Lucky you. :) To tell you the truth, I haven't done much training yet because I just got over a nasty cold, and I wanted to take it easy until I felt 100%. But now that I'm 100%, I'm getting ready to go to Seattle with my family, so I'll miss a training with the team, but this trip is very special. My whole family (including my brother-in-law and sister-in-law) is going, and it is quite a feat to sync our schedules. We leave tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Even though I don't have much in the way of training to share with you yet, I thought I'd tell you a little bit about my life the past 9 months. So, I turned 30. Yah, I know. A card my cousin sent me said,"It's funny until it happens to you". So true!! I was a bit surprised by the fact that I indeed felt sad when that momentous occasion snuck up on me, but I decided I just need to make great things happen this year so that I ring in my 30s with a bang!! Thus, the 1/2 and full marathon. Also, I started working part-time which was quite a change after 3 years of unemployment! I'm interpreting with the county schools, and it seems really interesting.

A couple days after I finished the 1/2 marathon, my friend Paulina had a baby boy, Jack (or Jackecito as I affectionately call him :) ). He is adorable, and he always puts a smile on my face, even when I feel discouraged or down. I'm not trying to be depressing or anything, but lately I have felt what I interpret to be the very late effects of facing cancer. I struggle with the responsibility that I have to develop again in all aspects of life: finding a full-time job (and figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life!), cleaning, conquering my enormous to-do list. I get sad when I think that I'm 30, I'm single and I live with my parents (no offense, Mom and Dad!) :) I hope someday to fall in love and start a family, but I feel the pressure of my advancing age (hahaha, I make it sound like I'm 80 or something!!), and I realize that if I had never had leukemia, I would have had three years of my life to do this! I thought I'd share these feelings with all of you because I feel like sometimes I get preachy about cancer and how it has had a positive impact on me. I figured it was important to share some other feelings I have about it, feelings I think I've only recently acknowledged. But no worries...I am not depressed!! I just get sad, but just as I did when I had leukemia, I pick things to look forward to, and hanging out with Jack is certainly one of them!!!

Jameson and Guinness also cheer me up (look how freakin' cute they are...how could they not make me smile?!) They are at the kennel right now so it's eerily quiet in the house. On Father's Day, we're taking them to a farm near Winchester so they can try out sheep herding (Ronnie and Kathy gave this to us as a Christmas present!)...it should be really interesting!!!! I'll be sure to get some pics to add so you can see them in action! I think Guinness will probably try to make friends with the sheep and Jameson might just growl at all of them. :) Either way, it will make for a fun activity!!

Let's see...what else...My friends, Maya and Brant, got married in January, and I was honored to be a bridesmaid. It was a wonderful celebration and they have some great blackmail photos for pretty much any guest who ventured out onto the dance floor. :) It was funny because when Maya introduced each bridesmaid at the rehearsal dinner, she said a little something about them. When she introduced me, she mentioned that I overcame some great personal challenges in my life and that I was strong. She never mentioned cancer though, and I got the feeling that some other guests thought I was a drug addict. This is because the previous week, I had fallen on the ice and had some cuts and bruises on my arms (and marks from where they take blood each month!). We all got a good laugh out of that!!

We added a new extended family member in February...Addison is the first girl on either side of my family since Katie (so, in 25 years!!). I was very touched that my cousin and her husband chose me to be her godmother. She is beautiful, as you can see from the photo, not that I'd expect anything less--I mean, she IS my relative!! :) hahahaha I look forward to spending lots of time spoiling her since I consider that my duty as godmother.

I'm gonna sign off for now, but I'll be back after Seattle! I'm sure I'll have more exciting stories to share with you, and the hardcore training will begin also. Hope everyone is doing well and that the past nine months have been good for you also.

By the way, the photos are as follows: With Laura, Katie and Lori at my 30th bday party; Addison (Addy); Maya, Lori and I; Jameson; Guinness; Jack.

Four Months of Training and Only One Race Day

I did it!! I racewalked 13.1 miles on Sunday in the VA Beach Rock n Roll Half Marathon. I finished in 2 hours, 57 minutes, averaging about 13.5 minute miles, the fastest I have done this whole season. I went down on the team bus on Saturday morning, and the whole weekend was a blast. Saturday evening, Team in Training hosted a pasta dinner where we honored those who raised the most funds, listened to motivational speakers and recognized cancer survivors and honored teammates. The room was full of participants and guests from all over the country, about 500 or so, I believe. Together, we raised over a million dollars for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Our hotel was right on the beach, as you can see from the photo I took from our room. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, and I know doing this event as my first race may spoil me for any future marathons and half marathons---it was just perfect.
After our pasta dinner, we had a team meeting and our coaches provided us with some last minute advice...1)don't do anything different on race day (eating habits, clothes, etc.), 2)try to get some sleep, 3)the first mile always sucks :), 4)make sure we wear our sexy bright green visors and 5)have fun. We listened carefully and then went our separate ways.

I interpreted their "don't do anything different" as advice they meant for us to apply to the night before the race too, but I decided to be daring and hope for the best. After the meeting, I went with Ronnie and my dad to their hotel where Katie, Kathy and my mom were. We sat outside on the deck listening to some live music and staring out at the Chesapeake Bay. I was starting to feel pretty pumped up for the race, and I figured a drink and some snacks wouldn't do me any harm--after all, I was in VA Beach, it was a beautiful night and I was getting ready to walk a 1/2 marathon!!! I needed to celebrate!!! So I ordered a "Pink Flamingo"...I can't remember what was in it...a banana liqueur, pineapple juice and a couple other things...anyway, it was deeeeelicious!!! I worried a little as I sipped on the red concoction since that was certainly not something that I ever, ever drank, but I figured "what the heck?!" :) Then someone ordered calamari, and I thought, "Well, it IS important for me to have a lot of calories, so I scarfed it down. Again, a little voice in my head said "You don't typically eat this before walking---be careful!" But again, it tasted sooooooo good that I couldn't imagine feeling any differently the following morning at 5 am. And luckily, I didn't!!!!!!!! So, the moral to this story is, do whatever you feel like doing as long as you're happy. :) Yah, I know, most coaches would not agree with that. But I can tell you that the next event I participate in, I will be looking for a Pink Flamingo and some calamari the night before because it worked for me!!!!!

So anyway, I went to bed around 11:30 or so and got up at 4:15 Sunday morning. Don't laugh, but I curled my hair because I knew there would be many photos taken during the race--I even put on some mascara...not that you can tell from these pictures!!!! But hey, if I hadn't put anything on, imagine how I would have looked!!!!! :) We met everyone in the lobby at 5:15 and headed over to the starting line with the rest of the 20,000 runners/walkers in the race. You'll notice that Team in Training participants wear purple singlets. This helped me bond with many people on the course---you see one and you know immediately that you have something in common, and when others see you wearing it, they cheer "Go Team!!" whether they know you or not. You never feel alone, and it's pretty incredible when you realize that every person sporting the purple singlet raised money for blood cancers in order to take part in the race.

Just after crossing the starting line (it took me about 35 minutes or so to get to it since I was in the last corral-they group people by their estimated finishing time---I overestimated mine :) ), I saw a purple singlet moving at a good pace and I decided to try and catch up. It turns out that she was actually on my walk team, but somehow we missed each other in the practices! I am so glad I found Liz because we walked the entire 13.1 miles together and we really helped keep each other at a good pace. When I stopped to stretch, I would run to catch up with her because I knew I would slow down without realizing it if I stayed on my own. There were bands every mile or so, as well as cheerleaders from different local schools. Residents were outside their homes hosing us down with cool water and blasting their stereos for motivation. The miles went by quickly and the crowd became less dense as the fastest people pulled ahead. By the way, the first person finished in 1 hour, 4 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's just crazy. :)

My mom, dad, brother Ronnie, sister-in-law Kathy and sister Katie were waiting for me at the 8 mile mark with a nice cold fruit punch Gatorade, which was good because I had finished my water bottle, and our coaches told us to stay away from the "Accelerade" they served on the course...apparently it tastes like crap and does wonders for your stomach. I felt so proud for them to see me actually walking in the 1/2 marathon--I mean, this was for real, it wasn't another practice!! I said a quick hi and sped right along. The last two miles of the race were right on the boardwalk by the beach and it was beautiful. I passed through several misting stations to cool off, and Liz and I kept testing our speed, picking people ahead of us to pass. The best was when we passed joggers..."yah, that's right---you're running and I'm walking and I'm PASSING you!!!!!!" One girl said that she could never walk that fast and Liz explained that we did indeed train hard for this!!!!

My family was right by the finish line, cheering us on. I started getting teary once the arch of balloons marking the finish came into view. I thought about George (my honored teammate--see posting below), I thought about my family, I thought about my own illness. Two years ago, this was impossible...I had recently gotten out of the hospital after my central line got infected and my fever reached 106.8. My ipod had been on shuffle throughout the race and oddly enough, it chose that time to play "Big" by Qkumba Zoo...I know, kind of an obscure song, but my cousin, Laurel and I happened to find it randomly many years ago when we were at Tower Records...the band has kind of a tribal/dance feel to it and this song is perfect for exercising because it's so fast and upbeat...you should really listen to it, but these are the lyrics so you can get a feel for it:

You're big! And strong!

You are big
And you shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream that will be spun

Don't listen to the hype about the UFOs
There's too many things nobody knows
They do their job and you do yours
Nobody does it better, we're the children of the stars
Hit it big with your heart
And big with your soul
Deep inside you're ready for the light
So move your body, dance your beat
Shake a dream alive, shake it

You are big
And you shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream that will be spun
Take some time to know yourself
You shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream

No need to apologize
There's no need to compromise
Sing your dream and sing it loud
It's real, it's yours, you should be proud

You are big
And you shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream that will be spun
Take some time to know yourself
You shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream

You're big! And strong!

You are big
And you shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream that will be spun
Take some time to know yourself
You shine like the sun
Feel it in your heart
The dream

You're big! And strong!

And let me tell you, that's how I felt---strong!!!! At the end of the race, I felt like I could do anything. I cried a little after walking under those balloons and hearing the cheers. I'm sure if my family had been able to come over and greet me then, I probably would have started sobbing--I just felt so emotional...in a good way though!! I felt for the new necklace my parents gave me the day before: a pretty silver circle that read "Julie" on the front and "You Never Walk Alone" on the back. Thanks to all of you, I never felt alone. I carried everyone in my heart, and I had my list of contributors in my hip pack. :)

As I walked past the finish, they handed me a cold, wet towel, a bottle of water, they removed my shoetag (this is what measures my official time), and FINALLY a nice lady placed the medal around my neck. It felt heavy which seemed appropriate to me...this was a big accomplishment, and I needed to actually feel the weight of what I had just done. I picked up the gear I had checked with UPS and headed to a port-a-potty to change into my bikini---now would be a good time to jump in the ocean!!!!!

But I realized I was also famished, so I opted instead to join my family for some lunch where I consumed more fried food at one sitting than I have ever done before...chicken fingers, my lucky calamari, french fries---and I threw in some crab dip for fun too. :) I also realized I was in pain...yah, I think adrenaline helped through the race, but after crossing the finish line, I noticed that my toes hurt, my hips, my back, my butt, my arms and even my neck!!! I didn't worry though because there seemed to be lots of gimps hanging around the finish line. :)

My family went home after lunch and I went to the beach. Unfortunately the red flags were out so I couldn't swim, but I enjoyed a relaxing nap on the sand. While I was laying there, I heard someone in front of me calling the name "Anthony". I remembered from the night before that one of the speakers had a 4 year old son named Anthony who had acute lymphocytic leukemia. He had been undergoing treatment since he was 20 months old. Before I left, I walked up and introduced myself to his mom and told her how much I enjoyed listening to her husband's speech and how wonderful it was to see little Anthony playing in the sand after hearing what he had been through. We talked for a half hour or more, and I made friends with Anthony by fetching him buckets of water from the ocean for his sand castle. Watching him really made me think about why raising the money is so important. Many years ago, he would not have had the chance to recover and live a normal life, but there he was, happy, healthy and looking forward to the end of his treatment in March 2008. As I'm writing this, I'm getting teary, picturing him playing on the beach, thinking of my honored teammate George, who lost his battle with leukemia, and remembering my own experience. Everyone has his/her own story, some tragic, some triumphant, and this past weekend we helped to honor them all. Thank you so much for helping me during my treatment and during my training---I can't wait to start again next year, but next time it's for a full marathon!!!!! Well, I also plan on doing VA Beach again as part of training---it's a really fun way to spend Labor Day Weekend...who will join me?!!!! I won't be fundraising for it, I just want to be a part of it again---for my fundraising, I'm going to concentrate on the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco...anyone up for that? (by the way, men participate too!) :)

Wow, I know this is a long posting, but it's kind of a farewell to my blog...or maybe, just a "see you next year"...it's been a lot of fun sharing my stories with everyone. I have one last one to make you jealous. Laura, Tiso, Ronnie, Kathy and Katie all treated me to a reflexology AND "heeling" pedicure treatment at the Red Door Salon. They gave me the gift last week and I called immediately to schedule an appointment. I went yesterday and it was amaaaazing!!!! I think that's a nice way to finish any race. :) By the way, reflexology is basically the idea that there are different pressure points in the feet (and hands, but I just did feet!) that can affect the way the whole body feels...it felt great to me!

Enjoy all the photos!! And thanks again for everything. This was a really special time for me and I was excited to share it with everyone.

My Honored Teammate

Well, the race is only 2 1/2 days away, and I thought it was important to remind everyone why I chose to do Team in Training with The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Everyone knows now that I went through treatment for acute myelogenous leukemia (AML) 2 1/2 years ago, and I went into remission following my first chemotherapy in the hospital. However, for my survival story, there are unfortunately many stories about patients who succumbed to blood cancers. And I want to take some time to introduce you to my honored teammate, George Blatnik. I am walking in his memory.

George was my cousins' cousin, and he was diagnosed with AML in 1993. At the time, he was going for his Master's of Science in Business Administration. Although I never met him, I have heard stories, and family, friends and coworkers describe him as kind, conscientious, considerate, and very lovable. His faith played a central role in his life, as did humor...he loved to laugh. He was responsible, hard-working, and dedicated. When he was diagnosed, he was in his late twenties and his future was bright with possibility.

He received a bone marrow transplant following diagnosis, but he passed away not long after. He was 28. When you look at these photos of him, you can get a sense of the personality that was described to me, and it makes me wonder, "Why did he die and I live?", "Will they ever know enough about this disease to truly understand it?" These questions don't have answers, at least not yet. Maybe we don't need answers to these questions right now--we just need to maintain hope that research will address them and perhaps even one day result in the eradication of blood cancers.

I hope George is looking down on me on Sunday and smiling at all the Team members who are running and walking to cure blood cancers...I know I will be thinking of him when I pass each mileage post and cross the finish line. I am so lucky to be here and to be healthy enough to participate, but I will carry his spirit with me for strength and hope, and thinking of his smile in these photos will help push me along when I start feeling tired.

So if you say a prayer for me on race day, don't forget George and his family because I consider them all my honored teammates.